My Mother

When I was a senior in high school my mom got diagnosed with a disease called A.L.S. It's a strange disease that came upon her with no warning. One day she was wigging out because she was having trouble walking, and it all just went down hill from there.

I really loved my mom. She was the nicest person I have ever known. She loved my sister and I very much. She was always kind. In fact, I would laugh when she tried to be mean because she was so terrible at it! I know, I shouldn't have laughed at her, but you know how it is when you're a kid; you're emotions are raw and honest and uncontrollable at times.

To be perfectly frank, it's hard for me to write about her, or think about her without getting sad. I didn't want her to go, and it was hard for me when she did. The people who had been my best friends weren't there for me; partly because they didn't know, and partly because I didn't want them to. I started getting angry and frustrated, upset, sad... just totally and utterly destroyed, but I didn't know how to show it. No one plans to lose their parent. How can you ever prepare yourself for something so life changing? Well, you can't, and I had to learn a lot.

I found myself alone and wanting to be with people, but also wanting to be alone. Really, all I wanted was my mom. And there are many days that I still want her, even now. I don't think you ever get over the loss of a loved one. You only learn to live with the emptiness, and find ways to fill the void. I wish she could've been there for my college graduation, and for my wedding. I'll want her to be there for the birth of my first child (if I ever get pregnant), and for everything else in my life. But I think what I want most is to make her proud of me. I want her to know that I strive so hard to be a good person. I strive to do and be all that she taught me. I want her to know that I've matured and I've become someone who is more like her. I want her to know that I love her, and I will always love her...

I wish you could've met my mom. She was the best...